Wednesday, May 28, 2014

That Kind of Beautiful .

Something I wrote like 2 months ago

Today I woke up from a terrible nightmare.
It involved childhood friends and childhood places.
and a terrible plane crash.
Today I woke up and forgot I am 22.
I spent all day thinking and feeling like 17.
My mind does that sometimes when I'm not feeling good.
but thats the thing, I feel good.
or at least I felt good.

Today is Sunday and since Friday night I was left with this weird feeling.
a feeling that reminds me of high school.
of childhood.
of youth.
Of things that are suppose to happen but haven't happened yet.

On friday night I listened to a song I never heard before.
and I felt the whole world stopped.
Not because i liked it so much, or because I liked the lyrics.
Just because I felt it was beautiful .
It felt that kind of beautiful that hurts.
That kind of beautiful that brings tears to your eyes.
That kind of beautiful that brings flashbacks to your memory and makes you want to live there .
That kind of beautiful that screams "Nostalgia" and sews that word and feeling to your heart.
That kind of beautiful that tells you that you are sad but that you can be happy.
That kind of beautiful that makes you feel like 17 but tells you how old you really are.

Thats why I liked it.
Because it was sour.
and sweet.

And I am sour.
and maybe not so sweet.
But I feel.
and I dream.
and I have my bad days.
and my good days.
and i have to come to terms with myself.
I can no longer wake up feeling like 17.
I am no longer there.
that is no longer my place.
and that time is long gone.

So maybe growing up is supposed to be like that song.
and sweet.
and beautiful.
now I have to find what kind of beautiful it really is.
is it that kind of beautiful that makes me feel what I'm supposed to feel?

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