Saturday, December 7, 2013

I'm not a girl, I'm a storm with skin .

 It's true.
I'm not a girl.
I'm a storm with skin.
I'm much more and much less than that.
Light as a feather.
Heavy as the weather.

Are you in?

Self Portrait

Sunday, May 12, 2013


We all have something that we decide to give away. 
Dreams, time, dignity, ideas, anything.
We all got something.

It depends on us how much we want to hold on to that, some other times you want to give it away to others, but the time doesn't come .
Time will come.

I think i've become an expert on waiting. For anything. Time puts my patience to test as well as my mind.
Don't get me wrong, i don't just sit around and wait for things to happen, but for these things, they are out of my reach.
Out of your reach as well.
These things take time, takes patience and only time will tell.
My sanity is always being tested, but i've learned to manage it when it comes to these things.
I've said previously that for me, the more I want things the less they happen to me. Like when you lose your keys and look everywhere and can't find them and the moment you stop looking for them they are right there, at plain sight.
I think thats exactly how this works.
So, I try and not to get desperate because I know my time will come.
Our time to give something away will come.

Self Portraits.

Sunday, May 5, 2013


"I have this very silly fear, that one day i'll be old without ever having really been young"

Imagine having this thought every second and every hour of your life.
You know you are supposed to enjoy life, every minute of it and not worrying about the end of things yet the only thing you do is that, thinking about how life is going to turn out for you instead of enjoying the ride.

I'm sure one day i'll be old, i have no idea how i'm going to be or where. There's a part of my brain that doesn't let me see beyond my years, i can't see myself as a grown person or as an old lady. I visualize everything, and plan everything ahead of time, i'm a creator and an architect of things and days that haven't happened and yet i can't seem to be able to do one of the most simple things humans do: visualize yourself in years, i jus't cant.
Maybe is because since i have memory my thoughts has always been the same and maybe they will continue like that when i'm 50 .
I don't really mind that. As long as i do things.
I want and need to do things.

I would hate to depend on chemicals to get things done, i would just want to wake up one day wanting to do things and actually do them.
I desire that.

Self portraits taken yesterday or today from 1 am to 6 am.

All taken by me .

Monday, March 4, 2013

I Live With It .

This is the beginning of a new year, and the beginning of my 21 years of life. I still feel i'm seventeen .
 This year started with big changes, moving out from home for the second time to only move back in again a month later. 
I made the right decision.

In these past 3 years i've learned that no matter how hard you try or how bad you want something you can't get it if you are not alright. if your mind and soul are not on the right place it doesn't matter what you do, you will fail.
I failed.
I failed, more than once. Maybe I failed even 3 times.
But i don't think i call them failures anymore, it was just me trying to find my place in life.

"Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing i know"
Sadly, i agree with this quote by Hemingway.
The more you know, the more you see and understand things you get deeper into a dark hole.
This "life intelligence" makes you over think stuff, makes you wonder things nobody else would think or wonder about and it makes you a perfectionist, and by this you often get disappointed.
Disappointed by everything.

Thats why they say ignorance is bliss.
But honestly, to hell with that.
I couldn't live my life based in ignorance, not even if i wanted to or not even if i tried. 
I rather be who i am, with mental issues and all.
At the end of things or at the start of things, you'll realize that this reality and these problems are not something you will be able to get rid of.
You'll just learn to live with it.
That's what i do.
I live with it.
I live with all of it.
And if after all of that, you are actually a bit happy, then you achieved the greatest intelligence.
And maybe, MAYBE, we can prove Hemingway was wrong. least for a while.


Self Portraits
All taken by me