Tuesday, June 30, 2015

box of paradoxes.

There is no better way to describe myself but to say that I am a big box of paradoxes.
That is all I am.
I am here and then I am not.
I am the strongest girl you'll ever know but I can break in a second.
people like me and then they leave.
You'll leave but I still stay.

I am a big box of paradoxes because I keep telling myself I am an open window but every time I look the windows are closed and locked.
I want things and then I cant make them happen.
I try to run and my feet trip by themselves.
I am free in a cage I call my hometown.
but I am free.

I want to experience it all.
and then I don't want to experience a thing.
I don't really know if there is more.
if it is, I want to feel it.
I want to feel you.
I am scared but I don't want to be.
I was born with a lot of walls build around me and everyday I take one down.
But they outnumber my days.

Its been 23 years that I've been with myself.
Just me.
and I don't complain about that too often.
I like it.
but I wish I didn't.
My solitude is my biggest paradox.

i've grown into my own skin for the past years.
and yes, sometimes I wish I grew into someone else's skin.
but for now is just me.
just this skin
just this big box of paradoxes.
nothing and everything at the same time.
a girl that dreams that she has everything.
and a girl that lives like she has nothing.

I can give you the sweetest days of your life.
and the roughest days too.
I can give you the biggest smile you've ever seen
and I can also drown you in oceans of tears.

I am an ocean.
I am a tide.
I am a constant change between yes and no.


Self Portraits
April-June 2015

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