box of paradoxes.

There is no better way to describe myself but to say that I am a big box of paradoxes.

That is all I am.

I am here and then I am not.

I am the strongest girl you'll ever know but I can break in a second.

people like me and then they leave.

You'll leave but I still stay.

I am a big box of paradoxes because I keep telling myself I am an open window but every time I look the windows are closed and locked.

I want things and then I cant make them happen.

I try to run and my feet trip by themselves.

I am free in a cage I call my hometown.

but I am free.

I want to experience it all.

and then I don't want to experience a thing.

I don't really know if there is more.

if it is, I want to feel it.

I want to feel you.

I am scared but I don't want to be.

I was born with a lot of walls build around me and everyday I take one down.

But they outnumber my days.

Its been 23 years that I've been with myself.

Just me.

and I don't complain about that too often.

I like it.

but I wish I didn't.

My solitude is my biggest paradox.

i've grown into my own skin for the past years.

and yes, sometimes I wish I grew into someone else's skin.

but for now is just me.

just this skin

just this big box of paradoxes.

nothing and everything at the same time.

a girl that dreams that she has everything.

and a girl that lives like she has nothing.

I can give you the sweetest days of your life.

and the roughest days too.

I can give you the biggest smile you've ever seen

and I can also drown you in oceans of tears.

I am an ocean.

I am a tide.

I am a constant change between yes and no.


-M

Self Portraits

April-June 2015