Pretty things can come out of scars.

One time I read something along the lines of: 

“There is people that still thinks that pretty things can’t come out of scars”

Let me tell you: they can.

pretty things come can come out of scars.

they come with a ravishing force waking you up at the middle of the night.

they come in the form of obsessive thoughts.

of anxiety attacks.

and tears.

For me, all of this is beautiful.

I have scars because of all of that.

Or I have all of that because of my scars, I don’t really know.

some people think that you can choose not to be like this.

but let me tell you again: you can’t.

thats why they are called scars.

scars fade, but never go away.

for some you are a walking complication.

to others you are chaos.

sometimes you cry black, sometimes you cry pink.

but don’t you get it?

pretty things can come out of scars.

Maybe I am a walking complication.

maybe I am chaos.

Or maybe you are.

Maybe this is me trying to convince myself that pretty things can come out of scars.

-M

Monica.

Self Portraits.

December 2015

(I've been having the worst writers block ever, so yes, this is shit)

MY GATE OF FEAR .

I crossed through the gate of fear

and I was welcomed by the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen.

The kind of eyes that tell you they could love you.

and the kind of eyes that tell you they may deceive you.

I sat in front of them and all i wanted to do was to count your eyelashes.

All I wanted was to see through them.

and I think I did.

I crossed through the gate of fear.

The one I built for myself.

and I didn't stumble.

 I saw you.

and my heart wondered if love lies on your bare skin.

or in your eyes.

or in every single one of your eyelashes.

The same ones that I want to count.

but it also wondered if it would see itself broken on your bare hands.

the same hands that I want to touch.

and the same skin that I want to melt into mine.

I crossed through my gate of fear.

and I realize it didn't give me a yes or a no answer.

or a "love" or "heartbreak" answer.

but it gave me you.

and it is with you that I'll find the answer.

-M

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This is the last day of the year and I'm supposed to do a post about what happened in 2014 but I haven't figured it out yet so I guess that will wait until the first days of January. I hope. So instead I'm sharing a recent self portrait and some words I wrote a few months back. And to be honest, one of my favorites.

If you are wondering about what I wrote...Yes, I think I found my answer. 

Whatever that means.

Tiny Ocean

The other day I went to the sea and walked along the shore

with the attempt to forget about a few things

but all the ocean did was to remind me of you.

That day the ocean gave me colors

and it gave me air

and beauty.

I walked and I couldn't help but think that those colors didn't match your eyes.

but it was beautiful

I couldn't help thinking that there was only one set of footprints.

but the tide washed them off

and I couldn't help but think that in all the pictures I took, there was no trace of you.

but there was a trace of me

then it hit me:

I was there ready to take a hit

ready to take the tide and take a leap into the ocean

I was gonna meet you there.

at the middle.

But you got lost.

Somehow my tiny ocean swallowed you.

-M

this place was so beautiful. I just wanted to stay there forever. 

and finally, i thought it was time to upload a picture of me smiling.

Monica.

Self Portraits